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Governor orders Nation back to South Carolina for the public’s safety

Lexington County, SC (Paul Kirby) – In an unprecedented order SC Governor Henry McMaster made Saturday, he demanded that Diana Nation return to Lexington County immediately! In doing so Governor McMaster said, “The minute that woman drove across the county and state line the entire freaking place went to HELL!”

Nation returned to her home state of Ohio Friday to attend a wedding and visit her children and grandchildren. Within moments of Nation’s departure, the entire county and state were thrown into chaos. There has been a drowning near South Congaree, and severe thunderstorms passed through bringing down trees and powerline Friday night. One home near Lexington was destroyed by fire, and another within a mile of the first was also damaged by another blaze as well.

Now, a man has been killed after his vehicle flipped multiple times and he was ejected from the vehicle as it rolled over. Ironically, this happened within a few miles of Nation’s place of employment in South Congaree.

Governor McMaster issued a statement saying he didn’t care if he had to mobilize the SC National Guard in order to force her return. “I don’t give a rats ass if she has to be drug back kicking and screaming, I want that jinx to get back here now!”

People in Lexington County reported seeing several flights of F-16 attack aircraft crossing the state flying northwest toward Ohio. Others said that a convoy of M1-A1 Abrahams tanks were also seen getting on I-77 heading north.

In other news, Sheriff Jay Koon of Lexington County issued a release Saturday informing the citizens that his department was working on, “The largest theft of rabbit feet ever recorded in the history of the world!! Sheriff Koon said, “This coincides with all the tragic events that have occurred since Friday morning.” Koon was overheard by his challenger in the June 9th Primary, David Arnold, whispering under his breath, “I bet this has something to do with that Nation woman leaving town. It’s just too much of a coincident for my liking!”

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